tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39268336335274737362024-03-19T01:36:08.437-07:00A year for GodStephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-91360548011957960302019-02-04T16:04:00.001-08:002019-02-04T16:04:13.143-08:00Two losses in one week...Last week, pretty much a week ago, our industry lost 2 teams. Six members of our HEMS community lost their lives in crashes, one in Ohio and one in Alaska. I didn't know any of them personally, but had mutual friends with at least one of the crews. A former pilot at my program now flies with the company that lost a 407 in Ohio, I was relieved that it wasn't him piloting the aircraft. There is a great sense of loss industry wide over these losses. Speculation is rampant about who/what was at fault for the tragedies, but you know what, in the end, it really doesn't matter who was at fault, at least not in my book. Eventually the FAA crash investigators will figure out what happened to make the 407 crash in Ohio. At the writing of this blog there has been little to no evidence of the crash of the King Air 200 in Alaska. <br />
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Loss is very odd, I know I should feel something, but I really don't have any overpowering emotions about the crashes. Not that I don't think they are sad or that they are tragedies or that we feel a loss in the industry, but I guess its something that we know going into this field, we know that there is an outlying chance that we can crash for many numbers of reasons and be killed in the operation of our jobs. We do everything that we can to minimize those risks, but they are still there. On some level we have all come to terms with those risks and have internalized them. <br />
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I know that if or when this happens to someone closer to me, I'll have a different view on the subject, but for the time being I don't. <br />
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Ronald Regan had a quote that he used in his address after the space shuttle Challenger blew up<br />
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<span style="background-color: #e4e4e4; caret-color: rgb(46, 46, 46); color: #2e2e2e; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honored us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved goodbye and "slipped the surly bonds of earth" to "touch the face of God."</span></blockquote>
I don't believe that they are now in heaven or that they are actually touching the face of God, however I do believe (assuming that they were right with God) that the next image they will see is Jesus at his second coming and the shattered bodies that they knew or didn't fully know on this earth will be changed and at that time they will touch the face of God. Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-36942559346214319232017-07-11T00:37:00.000-07:002019-02-04T16:04:35.638-08:00BenIt's now been approx. 1 month since Ben was tragically taken from us. I've had a lot of lonely hours to contemplate his untimely death. I wish I could say that I'm ok with him being gone, but there will always be a Ben shaped hole in my heart, just like there is a Bandit shaped hole as well. I'm not sure you ever completely get over losing a dog, we had to put Bandit down over 5 years ago. I think what Bandit became and what Ben will become as well is a smile I can't tell anyone about and a tear that no one will completely understand. I shared some very special moments with my two mutts (Ironically neither were mutts, both were pure breed). The thing I think some will understand and some won't is that they are both very much alive, they are alive in my mind, where all my memories lay, so even though I won't get to enjoy their presence anymore, I get to enjoy every memory with them. Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-81507758090464508802016-10-19T20:47:00.000-07:002016-10-19T20:47:13.411-07:00I'm coming home<span style="font-family: inherit;">There is a famous song that contains the following lyrics:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world I'm coming home, let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday and though my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes, I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world I'm coming home"</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I've always liked the imagery of this song, it seems like it has some spiritual applications, but there are flaws in the song. The song makes it sound like it's all about me, I'm the one doing it, but thats not the truth. We as humans like to think its all about us, we like to think that we have something to do with the getting there part of it, but we don't. The bible speaks pretty strongly about this. It says:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">“This is the word of the </span><span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; font-variant-caps: small-caps;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> to Zerubbabel:</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-22929H" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-22929H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> ‘Not</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-22929I" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-22929I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> by might nor by power,</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-22929J" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-22929J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> but by my Spirit,’</span><span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-22929K" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-22929K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> says the </span><span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 16px; font-variant-caps: small-caps;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> Almighty." </span>Zachariah 4:6</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There are other verses, they aren't coming to me right now. Minus that little part, I really love the imagery of the song. Seems like a song that God could sing, but with the following changes:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"</span>You're <span style="font-family: inherit;"> coming home, You're coming home, tell the world you're coming home, let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday and though my kingdom awaits and I've forgiven your mistakes, you're coming home, you're coming home, tell the world you're coming home"</span></blockquote>
Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-8266678652697502182016-07-21T07:25:00.001-07:002016-07-21T07:25:50.861-07:00The West<p>Nothing seems to emphasize the west more than this picture that I took this morning.</p>
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<p><img style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="DSC_0056.jpg" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-1MXCS2yeVSM/V5DbbPQkPKI/AAAAAAAABag/iLGNGGBZWk4/DSC_0056.jpg?imgmax=1600" alt="DSC 0056" width="600" height="400" border="0" /></p>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-56232025975444293622016-07-20T15:30:00.001-07:002016-07-20T15:30:21.160-07:00I'm going on an adventure<p>This very famous line penned by J. R. R. Tolkin in his book the Hobbit shows the gayety of an adventure, what I’m feeling right now is the tiredness of the adventure. My morning started Tuesday morning at 0830EST, and has gone pretty much non-stop since then, with the exception of a few fitful hours of shuteye, I’ve been up since then, this is now pushing 36hr’s, and by the time I actually get into another bed, it will be closer to 42 or so hours. </p>
<p>That is not to say this hasn’t been an adventure, it has. I took a bus, a people mover and some long hallways to get to lunch today. LAX is doing some major renovations and their concourses don’t connect anymore, so…they are being connected by bus. Who knew, runways weren’t only for airplanes, they are for vehicle traffic as well. They have painted in lines and there is a 4 lane highway going on. There are signs that I wish I could get a picture of, but they say yield for airplanes. As if that had to be something you had to actually say. </p>
<p>The airplane that I’m taking on my last leg is a little commuter airplane that you have to walk out on the tarmac to board, this isn’t the first time, probably won’t be the last either, but its sure not the norm in this tech savvy nation. </p>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-82344781256405725062016-07-15T18:23:00.001-07:002016-07-15T18:23:49.298-07:00A Year For God<p>I remember when I started this blog. I was told that I really needed to have a blog, because communications with the outside world were going to be more difficult. I started this blog in May of 2008, the reason? I was about to embark on a grand adventure, an adventure that would lead me nearly 6400 miles away from everything I loved and held dear…with the exception of God. I started this blog to chronicle my year in the Marshall Islands, to tell the story of how a “know-it-all” senior in college was going to teach kids, the story of how a “know-it-all” kid learned more about trusting God. </p>
<p>I look back on this and realize maybe I haven’t come as far as I think I have. I have broken down many places, literally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The first year of this blog showed immense growth with huge mountain top experiences and subterranean valleys not unlike the trench that Majuro was just off (if you don’t understand that reference, look up Challenger Deep). </p>
<p>When I think about how apropos the title of this blog is, it makes me smile. The only better name would have been “one day at a time” or “one day for God.” I’ve just realized over the course of time that we are finite, we have to have beginnings and ends, the only thing is God is infinite, He doesn’t see this as a repeated year, He sees it as a fluid continuum of time. This time will always have its mountain top experiences and its trench experiences as well, but one thing I have learned is that since time means nothing to him, the ups and downs don’t mean anything to him either. What matters is the direction, continually, step by step, closer to Him. </p>
<p>Over the next month I’m going to try and do better about keeping this updated. </p>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-25371499199737623892016-06-04T13:41:00.003-07:002016-06-04T13:42:51.122-07:00FellowshipToday is Saturday, a day that "normal" SDA's go to church. Lorraine and I are NOT normal. Its not that I don't enjoy church, its not that I don't feel close to God there, its that sometimes there are far more important things to do. Today is one of those days. <br />
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Lorraine and I volunteer at a fire department, we spend a considerable amount of time at the department, we feel this is our calling. Today we didn't go to church, it was camp meeting and thats not something we enjoy. So...we decided we'd stand by at the station in case there were any calls. Since the station is a volunteer station, its not always staffed, when we got here today, there was only on person here.<br />
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A while after arriving Tim (Mr. Johnson) and his two amazing daughters got here. I have grown to really appreciate them, they are so well behaved, its a testament to Mr. and Mrs. Johnson's following God's leading, but I digress. We talked with another FF James Clack and Sammy for a few hours until Lorraine woke up. About the time that Lorraine woke up, Mrs. Johnson arrived. Now everyone is talking and enjoying time. Conversation's are ranging from FD topics to nursing to life in general. <br />
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This is a fellowship, this is a group of people that enjoy each other's company and enjoy time spent with them. This is a time rejuvenation, a time of healing, a time of refreshment. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3HSNxBsDAlVBOrP1Oq-VS6DjhTQl0QGGj60-Jig56Sr-P7Nr0SPPBtpg_-BanK8jDt1k-XtD1CYwUKAANFNylkyO6Q89auyVoeULKAyykKAudlqGXTtl_D1SBnJSv5Faz7X7eahGRAfc/s1600/2016-06-04+16.25.29.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3HSNxBsDAlVBOrP1Oq-VS6DjhTQl0QGGj60-Jig56Sr-P7Nr0SPPBtpg_-BanK8jDt1k-XtD1CYwUKAANFNylkyO6Q89auyVoeULKAyykKAudlqGXTtl_D1SBnJSv5Faz7X7eahGRAfc/s400/2016-06-04+16.25.29.jpg" width="400" /></a>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0Collegedale, TN, USA35.054644273248243 -85.0561523437535.053831773248241 -85.05741284375 35.055456773248245 -85.05489184375tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-26874203644219280322016-05-10T20:00:00.004-07:002016-05-10T20:00:24.090-07:00Service...<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">Emblazoned on the sides of our fire truck is the motto, “We Volunteer Because Your Life Depends On It.” Its a catchy motto, the idea it portrays is a nice one, for some it might even be correct. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">The question of why do you serve is about as personalized as the minds that pose it. The altruistic answer is the motto. I am here, I serve because you depend on me. Its nothing that I get out of it, its of no benefit to me, it all because of you. There are probably some that fit into this category, many, probably most, do not. The other side of the coin is I serve because of what it I can get out of it, completely ME centered. I can hypothesize or theorize why some serve, why some volunteer, but those are all they would be. The answer I can give is why I serve. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">As a disclaimer to this thought, my parents modeled service to me my whole life, its probably why I see service the way I do right now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">In the beginning I served because my parents required me to. Whether it was ingathering, helping the poor, or some other activity I HATED, they MADE me do it. They MADE me do it for many years, then they stopped making me. I had grown into a person that could start to make decisions all on my own, not all ones that my parents approved of, but thats nothing new. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">The next phase of my life came along, I started serving because I was expected to or because thats what all my friends were doing and I didn’t want to be left out. Building fences at the indian mission and doing community service days spring to mind, service didn’t impact me much further than spending time with my friends, taking weekend trips to fun locations. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Through the end of high school and most of the way through college my focus on service shifted. A choir trip to Grand Junction Colorado comes to mind, we were traveling west at sunset on Friday night, for church service’s the next morning. Our very wise and amazing choir teacher led us in vespers and singing on the bus, the topic if memory serves was service. Whether it was because of the setting or being around so many AMAZING friends on that trip, the idea of service started to sink in. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Going to school at Union College in Lincoln Nebraska, I was given the opportunity to be involved in Project Impact. The school thought service was so important, they canceled school one day a year to devote that day to service. Forty to fifty sites around Lincoln were picked and students would go and volunteer for the day doing everything from cleaning, to painting, to fixing, to reading…the list goes on. Again I did it because of friends, this time, it was my sister and her soon to be husband. As the years went on, that act became second nature, I wanted to be involved with Project Impact. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">In steps Sandy Prindle (Nazario), she flat told me, “Stephen, you need to volunteer as a student missionary in the Marshall Islands.” I thought it sounded like a pretty cool idea, started down that road…my girlfriend at the time told me that it wasn’t a good idea…what did Stephen do…he caved and decided it really wasn’t Gods will. As time would have it, we broke up, and my mind drifted to Student Missions. In 2008-2009 I decided to go to the Marshall Islands and serve God with my “talents.” That “year for God” (Yes, this is where my blog got its name) was a pivotal year in my life. It was one of the hardest years of my life. I came back a changed person, it started being less about my friends doing it, and more about God calling me to do it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Coming back from the Marshall Islands, God led me into a career of service, not volunteer, but service. God then led me to a volunteer career that is another facet of my life of service. That brings me full circle. Why am I here, why do I serve? I serve because God called me here, God place me here, God brought me here.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none;">So do I “Volunteer Because Your Life Depends On It? You might say its a two way street, I volunteer because it could be your life, or it might be my life that depends on it. </span></div>
Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-53076595599747112652015-08-23T19:36:00.003-07:002015-08-23T19:36:42.448-07:00The ones that get awayTonight I'm feeling a bit melodramatic. As many of you know, I've chosen a line of work where I'm frequently in harms way, I deal with life and death every day, sometimes in its cruelest forms. Working as a trauma nurse at a trauma 1 center, I see the worst that there is, working on a fire department as an EMT and recruit, I see even worse things sometimes. Nothing prepares you for seeing and feeling what you're going to see and feel. <br />
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Many years ago a movie came out, it was about a Coast Guard rescue swimmer, a legend. He had worked many years and had an impressive career. Late into the movie a recruit asks him a pivotal question. <br />
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It gets you to thinking. In this line of work, we so seldom remember the successes, but for certain we remember the failures. Of course the character portrayed in this movie is fictional, but thats not the important part. The important part is the idea. </div>
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This idea is biblical, in 2 Peter 3:9 it says, </div>
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." NIV</span></blockquote>
God doesn't want any man to perish, but some have and more will. While God will remember EVERY one he has lost, He has it right, He also remembers EVERY one that he saves. <br />
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Lets take a cue from "the author and perfecter", lets remember the ones we loose, but also remember the ones we save. <br />
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Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-77200142722668328012015-04-18T13:46:00.001-07:002015-04-18T13:46:07.691-07:00Homesick for HeavenAs a child, my parents subjected me to cruel and unusual punishment. On sabbath we HAD to listen to one of their favorite christian artists, Patricia White. I don't know why at the time I thought it was cruel and unusual punishment, but I sure did. <br />
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As I've grown, and matured, those songs that she sang those many years ago mean more and more to me. The album, White Robe, is nearly like a concert that ends perfectly.<br />
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The final song is one called "Homesick for Heaven." This is a partial set of the lyrics:<br />
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My heart longs for Heaven</div>
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My heart longs for home</div>
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I'm sick and tired of this old world</div>
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I just want to go home</div>
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I hear my father calling</div>
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I know he feels it too</div>
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He's lonesome for his little girl</div>
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He wants her home real soon</div>
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I'm homesick for Heaven</div>
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When the family's all back home</div>
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I'm homesick for a lot of things, I'm a transplant into the land that I'm in right now, physically and metaphorically. Physically I came to this land of my own free will, for an amazing reason, to marry the love of my life. Metaphorically, I had no choice. Both physically and metaphorically I long for a place other than where I am. Physically, at least momentarily, I'm content where I'm at right now, metaphorically however I'll never be content where I'm at right now. </div>
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I'm from the mountains, not the Appalachian mountains of the east...I haven't fully decided they constitute mountains, but from the Rocky Mountains. I grew up in them and they grew up in me. The same way that happened, God planed a little seed in me, it was called Eternity.<span style="font-family: inherit;"> "<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">He has also set eternity in the human heart" Ecclesiastes 3:11.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">I dearly hope for someday sooner than later when one or both of those seeds germinate and come to fruition, but for today I will continue listen to the song </span></span><span style="color: #001320;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">that</span></span><span style="color: #001320; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"> means so much to me now. </span></span></span></div>
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Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-36036435674877730932014-03-22T15:54:00.003-07:002014-03-22T15:54:59.197-07:00Worn<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What happens when you hit rock bottom? What happens when you think you’ve hit rock bottom and you fall even further? What happens when you just don’t think you can look up to Jesus? If you’re human, you’ve probably been in one of these situations before, probably more times than you’d like to admit. So have I, I think its part of being human, one of those unfortunate things that happened with the fall of man. Before man fell, these issues never were a problem, with such a close communion with God, there was no place for these, but with the bite of that fruit, everything changed. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-13c10e66-ec00-f825-9ffb-b46362fdfad9" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Tenth Avenue North has written a song that should come as a relief to those of us who have struggled with these problems. In three verses they hit the crux of the issue, how it feels, how I feel. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m Tired I’m worn</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My heart is heavy</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">From the work it takes</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To keep on breathing</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve made mistakes</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve let my hope fail</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My soul feels crushed</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">By the weight of this world</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know I need to lift my eyes up</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But I'm too weak</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Life just won’t let up</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And I know that you can give me rest</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So I cry out with all that I have left</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My prayers are wearing thin</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yeah, I’m worn</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Even before the day begins</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yeah, I’m worn</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve lost my will to fight</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m worn</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, heaven come and flood my eyes</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Right here we have it, between feeling down, heavy hearted, not being able to breathe, being weak, having a hard life, prayers not being answered, and most of all, just being worn. That sums up humanity, that sums up me some days (more days than I’d like to admit). What do we want? What do we really want? What do we need is a better question? What will really fix this? What will give us the relief that we really need? They have a very good answer in the last few lines of the song. The simple answer is we need God and that is the sentiment that the song gives. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let me see redemption win</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Let me know the struggle ends</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That you can mend a heart</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s frail and torn</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wanna know a song can rise</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">From the ashes of a broken life</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And all that’s dead inside can be reborn</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The real idea is that we want God to become real in our lives, its not saying that we want him to fix everything right now, its asking him to show us proof that in the end everything </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">WILL</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> work out to the way He says it will. It comes in words like, let me see, let me know, I want to know, these are all future tense, not present. This is a bold statement, its the crying of a heart that doesn’t see any other way than to challenge God. Call me a heretic if you want to, but its my humble opinion that God is ok with challenges like this. There have been others, primarily in the bible who have made bigger challenges than this. So long as the challenge is honest, I don’t believe there are any issues with this.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think Hebrews 4:16 says it best:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 36pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So let us keep on coming boldly to the throne of grace, so that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.</span></div>
<br /><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">God, thank you for giving us the reminders both in antiquity and in contemporary that show us how and when to seek you. </span>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-18281818021176275952013-11-24T19:32:00.002-08:002013-11-24T19:32:57.390-08:00My prayerAs many of you know, I'm a musician. Among many other things, I'm a musician. Whatever else may be driving my inner being, music is one of them. God knows this, so does satan unfortunately. Thinking on the former, not the latter, there are a number of songs that just speak to me, kind of what I think the Psalms say. So the following lyrics in my book are Psalms, they hold the same lyrical importance, they speak to me just like the Psalms. <br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">I look beyond the empty cross</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">forgetting what my life has cost</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">and wipe away the crimson stains</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">and dull the nails that still remain</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">More and more I need you now,</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">I owe you more each passing hour</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">the battle between grace and pride</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">I gave up not so long ago</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">So steal my heart and take the pain</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">and wash the feet and cleanse my pride</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">take the selfish, take the weak,</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">and all the things I cannot hide</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">take the beauty, take my tears</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">the sin-soaked heart and make it yours</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">take my world all apart</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">take it now, take it now</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">and serve the ones that I despise</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">speak the words I can't deny</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">watch the world I used to love</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">fall to dust and thrown away</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">I look beyond the empty cross</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">forgetting what my life has cost</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">so wipe away the crimson stains</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">and dull the nails that still remain</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">so steal my heart and take the pain</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">take the selfish, take the weak</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">and all the things I cannot hide</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">take the beauty, take my tears</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">take my world apart, take my world apart</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">I pray, I pray, I pray</span><br style="background-color: #ccccdd; border: 0px none; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;" /><span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;">take my world apart</span></blockquote>
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For those of you who are astute christian music buffs, you'll know that this is from the Jars of Clay song Worlds Apart. This song has spoken to me ever since I first heard it. It sums up humanity in general, but my life more specifically. It talks about being stuck between where satan would have you and where God wants you. This last section though is where the "psalm" comes out, its the prayer, its pleading to God, its finally understanding the sacrifice, its a petition. Really its what my heart is saying every time I break Gods heart by doing things that I know I shouldn't do. This is the prayer I find myself praying, "Steal my heart and take my pain, take my selfish, take the weak, all the things I cannot hide, take the beauty and the tears, take my world apart." <br />
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This is not a prayer for the faint of heart, this is a prayer for those who have hit rock bottom, for those who just can't believe that they have fallen again, for those of us like Peter in Matthew 14, having the faith to get out of the boat, but letting pride get in the way. Its a prayer that we have all prayed at one point or another. Its my prayer tonight. <br />
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I look upon the empty cross, remembering what my life cost, and thank God that he hasn't given me what my sins say I should get. Thank you God!!Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-39197397758929901142013-10-04T14:40:00.000-07:002013-10-04T14:40:12.095-07:00Understanding Stephen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Contrary to what some might think I'm an introvert. I fake being an extrovert very well, its what society expects of me, but down deep inside, I'm an introvert. If you want to know how introverts interact with the rest of the world, refer to this graphic and then you might understand me much better. </div>
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Thank you to Dr. Carmella for making this.</div>
<br />Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-26492503224150104472013-09-13T23:24:00.000-07:002013-09-13T23:24:27.318-07:00Angels and demons<br />
Tonight is friday the 13th, well that and Sabbath the 14th. I’m sitting at work, my preceptor pulls out her phone and proceeds to turn on her ghost tracker. She tells me all the places in the hospital and various other places that are haunted and where you see ghosts. I told her I don’t really believe in ghosts. I don’t believe that places are haunted per se. She rallied most of the people working tonight and most of them believe, to one extent or another, in ghosts and things being haunted. <br />
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Others came around and told stories about how things are haunted or the places they have seen ghosts. I’m a bible believing christian, how can I respond to this? I’ve been thinking about it a bit now. I don’t believe in ghosts or things being haunted, however I do believe in powers of darkness, ones that aren’t of this world. I believe that satan and his angels have a presence in our world and that if you open yourself up to that, they will show themselves. <br />
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I recall a time in Nicaragua where I could feel the most evil presence I’ve ever felt. I don’t know if the man was demon possessed, but the feelings I got from him was purely evil. After that experience, I spent quite a bit of time with God, I felt I had to, it was an innate feeling. <br />
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I get that feeling a lot. The feeling that I have to run home to daddy. Whether its because I feel that I’ve ventured out to far from him, that I’ve experienced evil, or that I just don’t know what I’m doing, all of these reasons are good enough for me to run to daddy. Running home to daddy isn’t only a religious experience. My daddy on this earth is an amazing man. One that I’ve followed in his footsteps from a young age. Sometimes, some situations, I run home to both. Sometimes I just need to hear and feel that everything is going to be alright. <br />
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Back to today. Do I feel that the room right behind me is haunted or that there are ghosts in my presence? No, I think not. I hope that any evil presence that comes my way sees that I have such a connection with my “daddy”-in-heaven that they won’t come anywhere near me, but if they do, i know exactly where I can run to in my time of need. To a man that will always welcome me in his arms and tell me everything is alright and that nothing can separate me from his love. <br />
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I think Romans 8 says things very well. In verse 15 it says “The Spirit that we received is not a spirit that makes us slaves again and causes us to fear. The Spirit that we have makes us God’s chosen children. And with that Spirit we cry out, “ Abba,[b] Father.” Abba really means Daddy. Then in verses 38 and 39 it says “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” <br />
I’m not sure if God put this promise in the bible just for me tonight or if there are far bigger and better reasons for it to be in the bible, but one thing I know, it is a comfort that there is NOTHING that can come between God and I and that He likes being called Daddy :)<br />
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So what am I doing in the here and now? I decided it was time to pull out the iPad and play some of my favorite Christian music, mostly hymns done by Fernando Ortega. Its an album called Beginnings. I highly recommend it to anyone, regardless of circumstances :)<br />
Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-37201547363466780012013-07-24T19:55:00.000-07:002013-07-24T19:55:52.275-07:00A songThere are many songs that speak to me. It depends on my mood as to which speaks more. There are songs I like to listen to when I'm happy, ones I like to listen to when I'm sad, and one specific song that comes to mind when I blow it with God. <br />
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The song isn't particularly a new song, its actually one from my growing up years. Jars of Clay wrote the song back in the early 90's I'm pretty sure and it just reminds me of what I want (to follow God) and what I do (not follow Him) are sometime so far apart. <br />
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The first verse goes like this:<br />
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"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I am the only one to blame for this</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Somehow it all ends up the same<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Soaring on the wings of selfish pride<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I flew too high and like Icarus I collide<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />With a world I try so hard to leave behind<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />To rid myself of all but love<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />to give and die"</span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">It seems like more times than I want to admit, this sums up my life. There is no one to blame except myself for the mistakes I make, they are mine alone. When my mistakes are against God, there is only one end, sin. I find myself in this boat frequently. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">The third verse also speaks to me. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">All said and done I stand alone</span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Amongst remains of a life I should not own<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />It takes all I am to believe<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />In the mercy that covers me"</span><div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">When does it not feel like this. I make a mistake, I own up to it, and then it feels like I'm the only one standing there. Looking at my mistakes knowing full well that this isn't what God wanted for me. After looking at my mistakes and the life that I shouldn't be living, I take some time and think about it. I feel like the father in Mark 9:24, I believe that God can fix it for me, but help my unbelief. I want to believe that God will take my sinful life away, but I have to admit that there is a little piece of me that says, "This is to big, God can't take this from me." </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I ask the same question the song does, "Did you really have to die for me?" </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">It goes on to say "</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart" God knows what I need, he knew it long ago, sometimes (usually) I don't know what I need. I think I do usually, but there's the catch, its so far off of what God wants for me. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">The end of the song is something that I consider a prayer, I've prayed it many times, it rings as true today as the first time I heard it uttered. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">"I look beyond the empty cross<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />forgetting what my life has cost<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and wipe away the crimson stains<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and dull the nails that still remain<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />More and more I need you now,<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I owe you more each passing hour<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />the battle between grace and pride<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I gave up not so long ago<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />So steal my heart and take the pain<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and wash the feet and cleanse my pride<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />take the selfish, take the weak,<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and all the things I cannot hide<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />take the beauty, take my tears<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />the sin-soaked heart and make it yours<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />take my world all apart<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />take it now, take it now<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and serve the ones that I despise<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />speak the words I can't deny<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />watch the world I used to love<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />fall to dust and thrown away<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I look beyond the empty cross<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />forgetting what my life has cost<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />so wipe away the crimson stains<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and dull the nails that still remain<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />so steal my heart and take the pain<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />take the selfish, take the weak<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and all the things I cannot hide<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />take the beauty, take my tears<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />take my world apart, take my world apart<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I pray, I pray, I pray<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />take my world apart"</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">The last few lines are uncomfortable, they are painful, but they are necessary. I want God to take me apart. Its the same sentiment that Andrew Peterson uses in the song "Just as I am." He asks the question in the first verse of that song, "whats that on the ground?" He then goes on to answer the question, "its what's left of my heart, after somebody named Jesus broke it to pieces, and planted the shards." </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;">I think the part we often forget when we want Jesus to break us apart is the end goal. The last verse of the song says it so articulately. "Its time now to harvest, what little that grew. The man they called Jesus who planted the seeds has come for the fruit. The best that I have isn't nearly enough, but he's glad for the crop, but its me that he loves." </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">He doesn't do it to us because he hates us. Its because he loves us that he breaks us apart. Its hard, I struggle with it, some days I struggle with it more than other days, but the thing to remember is that in all of this, the end goal is salvation for Stephen Baker. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">God, please just do this to me.</span></div>
Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-9737132709808629572013-06-22T16:23:00.000-07:002013-06-22T16:23:04.029-07:00ISTJ or ENTJ?For my orientation to the hospital we all took the Myers Briggs Personality Test. I remember taking it many years ago in high school. I had the same results and the same problems with the test then as I do now. <br />
<br />
True to form, I was categorized as an ISTJ. Now to some of you that might mean very little, so I'll put a brief synopsis of what it means:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Quiet, serious, earn success by thoroughness and dependability. Practical, matter-of-fact, realistic, and responsible. Deciding logically what should be done and work toward it steadily, regardless of distractions. Take pleasure in making everything orderly and organized - their work, their home, their life. Value traditions and Loyalty."</blockquote>
Some of you who know me would totally agree or mostly agree with what I just put. Those traits are very correct for those that have known me a long time or who i've allowed entrance or views into my "sanctum sanctorum." This is my home, this is where I run when I'm scared, when I'm hurt, or when I'm tired of putting up a front. This is me when I batten down the hatches to ride out a storm of any kind, this is my...well for lack of a better term...Sanctum Sanctorum. I don't mean to use this term to mean the holy of holies where God resides, but I suppose that could be true as well. I use it in reference to a place where I feel safe and comfortable. <br />
<br />
For those who know me very well or for those who don't know me very well, they realize that as the last description does sum me up really well, they also realize this doesn't fit me completely. Over the last 20 or so years of my life I took who I am and covered it with what I thought people wanted me to be. I developed a very secure facade of a self image that I could very easily work in and feel comfortable, at least for a little while. <br />
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This second area of my life is summed up in the personality test's label ENTJ. Now again most of you will not know what this means, so I'll give you a description:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Frank, decisive, assume leadership readily. Quickly see illogical and inefficient procedures and policies, develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve organizational problems Enjoy longterm planning and goal setting. usually well informed, well read, enjoy expanding their knowledge and passing it on to others. Forceful in presenting their ideas."</blockquote>
When I presented that according to the personality test I was an ISTJ, most of the class told me I was wrong and had misinterpreted the results and that I was really an ENTJ. I guess that proves that my facade is complete, I can convince my whole class that I'm not what I seem. This is not the first group of people I've led astray with my facade. <br />
<br />
Question arrises, is that a good thing to be able to say? I don't know that I have an answer to this. Its certainly who I am regardless of whether it is good or bad. It is who society formed me to be, its someone I'm very comfortable being. The part where this becomes an issue is when I'm tired of my facade and I let my guard drop. What then? I let people down, I surprise some people... There is a very challenging balancing act that I perform every day. Me knowing that really I'm an introvert and yet acting like I'm an extrovert. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my facade, I actually quite enjoy it, I like leadership, being forceful, seeing things quickly, solving problems, expanding my knowledge, some of the time. I'm not sure, I don't remember in the beginning, if I was uncomfortable with it or if I was ok with the facade, but now I sure am. <br />
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There are some very special people who I've let in to see me, the real me, there are others that have seen a slight glimpse of my real self, and others that I've worked very hard to hid the real me from. I've had my reasons for putting the people I meet into each of the categories, some move from one group to the next. The longer you know me, the more likely it is for you to find one of those cracks in my facade to see deeper inside who I really am. Others will illustrate that they have what it takes to know whats in the "keep". Some will be astonished by it, others humbled by it, and still others will be thankful for it. One thing I will say is that for those who see glimpses of the "keep" and for those that are fortunate enough to roam the halls freely, you'll see even more than I'm human, I sin, and I'm in total need of the savior that I do my utmost best to follow. I slip and fall, those who make it all the way will attest to that, but I have this amazing God and friends that picks me back up, dusts me off and sets me back on a path that God wants me on. Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-70171634837927683672013-02-06T07:02:00.003-08:002013-02-06T07:02:48.730-08:00Food for Thought<span style="background-color: white; color: maroon; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;">If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: maroon; font-family: Arial; font-size: small;">with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following. There would be:</span><span style="background-color: white;"></span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">57 Asians</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">21 Europeans</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">14 from the Western Hemisphere (both North and South)</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">8 Africans</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">52 would be female</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">48 would be male</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">70 would be nonwhite</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">30 would be white</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">70 would be non-Christian (not the same 70)</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">30 would be Christian (not the same 30)</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">89 would be heterosexual</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">11 would be homosexual</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">All 6 would be from the United States</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">80 would live in substandard housing</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">70 would be unable to read</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">50 would suffer from malnutrition</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">1 would own a computer</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">When one considers the world from such a compressed perspective, the need</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">for both acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">The following are provided as additional thoughts to ponder....</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">If you woke this morning with more health than illness... you are more</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">blessed than the million who will not survive this week.</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation... you are</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">ahead of 500 million people in the world.</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">If you can attend a temple, church, or other religious meeting without fear</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">of harassment, arrest, torture, or death... you are more blessed than three</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">billion people in the world.</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">and a place to sleep... you are richer than 75% of this world.</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">someplace... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">If your parents are still alive and married... you are very rare, even in</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">the United States and Canada.</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">thankful... you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">If you can hold someone's hand, hug them, or even touch them on the</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">shoulder... you are blessed because you can offer healing touch.</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">Retrieved from </span>http://www.kubik.org/lighter/100.htmStephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-59085778325999742302012-09-09T08:37:00.000-07:002012-09-09T08:37:34.274-07:00Running and GodI was running a race this morning. When I'm running my mind drifts. I put my legs into autopilot and let them do their thing and I do my one. Usually my mind drifts to God. There are many places in the New Testament that compare running to the Christian walk. Over the 15+ years I've been running, I've grown to appreciate these alliterations more and more. Personally I think those that run marathons understand the statement "the patient endurance of the saints" much more than those who have never run a marathon, but I'm probably biased. This morning however a new alliteration came to mind. <br />
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About 6 months ago I got something for training and racing that I'd always wanted, a Garmin Forerunner GPS watch. This watch is pretty cool, it does all the things you'd expect from a GPS, but it also lets you set a pace and have a "virtual" training partner. As you're running it tells you how far ahead/behind in time and in distance you are from your partner. I've really grown to love and enjoy that feature. Now back to the alliteration. <br />
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It came pretty early in the run, this normally doesn't happen. Just past mile 1 I got the thought, "running is like the Christian life..." This time the reason is, just like in running, the only person you are racing against is yourself and the only thing you're accountable is to your time. Christianity is no different. In my walk with God the only person I can compare myself to is me and the only one I'm accountable to in the end is God. Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-75963419471425764802012-08-12T16:24:00.000-07:002013-06-22T16:28:56.921-07:00Not that I care...A few years ago our gymnastics team did a friday night skit. Each of the members had a part to play, it was a story of lives..the challenges we all go through. Cindy picked out the parts and assigned them to everyone. The part I got seemed kind of apropos. It seems to be the story of my life. It started out like this:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Not that I care...</blockquote>
I seem to tell myself this a lot, I try to show this face to people. The easy going, nothing phases me, I can handle this face. It provides a nice show, most people don't ever take a second look. I think maybe they just want to see that everyone is happy. I know I usually do. I was taught to be confident, even in mistakes...I'm not sure I like that lesson now. "Not that I care..." really is just a wall that I put up to protect me...from something I perceive might hurt me...who know's if it actually will. <br />
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My lines ended with this:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Why can't the ones you love, love you back?</blockquote>
I have come to the conclusion that this part is partially my fault...me not telling/showing them that I love them, but it also has to involve something outside of me. <br />
<br />Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-59423223178860812322012-06-16T06:30:00.002-07:002012-06-16T06:30:05.165-07:00Who I Am<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">The story is told of a doctor and his son. The doctor would always come home late at night, he would then lock himself in his study to try and de-stress from the day, locking himself away from his family, the ones who loved him most. His son would do all he could to try and break through the door and interact with his dad. He would stick his fingers under the door and wiggle them at his dad, he would draw pictures and slide them under the door, and he would write notes to his dad and slide them under the door. Sometimes these ploys worked, others not so much. The little boy later wrote a song a out this situation and called it "Underneath the door". This author is one of my favorite artists, Michael Card. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">I've learned over the years that even as an adult, I'm that little boy. To those who mean so much to me, I'll do whatever I can to get you to acknowledge me. I'll draw pictures, i'll write notes, I'll wave my hands in the air, I'll wave... I'll do anything that I can to show I'm here and that you're important to me. I am that little boy, I hope I always will be.</span>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-24906489465740384802012-05-18T19:01:00.001-07:002012-05-18T19:01:16.212-07:00Amazing, psalm 63 from the message!!<div><p>Psalm 63:1, 4, 8, 11 MSG</p>
<p>God—you're my God! I can't get enough of you! I've worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts. 				<br>
So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in your strength and glory. In your generous love I am really living at last! My lips brim praises like fountains. I bless you every time I take a breath; My arms wave like banners of praise to you. 				<br>
I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy; I smack my lips. It's time to shout praises! If I'm sleepless at midnight, I spend the hours in grateful reflection. Because you've always stood up for me, I'm free to run and play. I hold on to you for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post. 				<br>
Those who are out to get me are marked for doom, marked for death, bound for hell. They'll die violent deaths; jackals will tear them limb from limb. But the king is glad in God; his true friends spread the joy, While small-minded gossips are gagged for good.</p>
</div>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-34337958452142612882012-03-16T20:30:00.002-07:002012-03-16T20:30:02.279-07:00Being a lady<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; text-align: left;">
To be called a lady is not a sign of frailty or devotion to frivolous hobbies. A lady is not a female who wears strings of pearls and hosts social gatherings. To be called a lady is the highest of compliments. Even as a woman seeks to compliment a man and calls him a gentleman, remember that "a lady is the female equivalent of a gentleman."</div>
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~From The Art and Power of being a Lady</div>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-85831725661882366232012-03-12T10:52:00.001-07:002012-03-12T10:52:15.868-07:00I have introvert tendincies<h1>
Self-proclaimed Wise Man: Top Ten Myths About Introverts</h1>
<section><strong>Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk</strong>.<br />This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.<br />
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<strong>Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.</strong><br />Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.<br />
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<strong>Myth #3 – Introverts are rude</strong>.<br />Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.<br />
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<strong>Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people</strong>.<br />On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.<br />
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<strong>Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public</strong>.<br />Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.<br />
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<strong>Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone</strong>.<br />Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.<br />
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<strong>Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.</strong><br />Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.<br />
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<strong>Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds</strong>.<br />Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.<br />
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<strong>Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun</strong>.<br />Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.<br />
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<strong>Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts</strong>.<br />Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.</section>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-55467793597009217692012-01-25T06:21:00.000-08:002012-01-25T06:26:35.492-08:00Then Came the morning<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmJhJW0JkN3y-o3Bkf3HScx23FRRwr3v2boFVNqsyjKABBL7c8ONqpd0ci3DiobAkBAp6jOlGGgPbLKD5u0n_7uFk6NHWkt0jHbuFnAXW1w6ZXb32RWQwwjHOuApWZQBmdoNVlEK2VQWM/s1600/28501_401309301224_609881224_4201547_5535179_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmJhJW0JkN3y-o3Bkf3HScx23FRRwr3v2boFVNqsyjKABBL7c8ONqpd0ci3DiobAkBAp6jOlGGgPbLKD5u0n_7uFk6NHWkt0jHbuFnAXW1w6ZXb32RWQwwjHOuApWZQBmdoNVlEK2VQWM/s320/28501_401309301224_609881224_4201547_5535179_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrnvzzGQiFRfeo9wD8d7nac_WsnJRHtHkVUK5zHL8YaNzqX4esoUpXyyZTh6jLpjxtnmLuMgF-DcdcpJDeKRADaHaIMZwIdI2c79XxPdT-R3I5wGnyAJ6knGcJtj-B8_bwY7pRRWOAsYA/s1600/25254_1263392784692_1225911839_30611839_5241238_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrnvzzGQiFRfeo9wD8d7nac_WsnJRHtHkVUK5zHL8YaNzqX4esoUpXyyZTh6jLpjxtnmLuMgF-DcdcpJDeKRADaHaIMZwIdI2c79XxPdT-R3I5wGnyAJ6knGcJtj-B8_bwY7pRRWOAsYA/s320/25254_1263392784692_1225911839_30611839_5241238_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
A long night in a boat. The wind the rain, and the ocean were no match for us. Our group was made up of the best of Union Colleges IRR major and our mission was to brave a day and night on the ocean learning ocean survival. The location was a half mile off the little island of little corn island in Nicaragua. So what do I use to keep my head cool and covered? Oh ya...a Tilley T3, the bow was my spot though pretty much the whole adventure. Just one of many adventures I've had with it<br />
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The second picture is me with the only horse that people ride in Nicaragua, in the background you see the Rio WaWa, and on the other side of the river is Honduras.Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3926833633527473736.post-65417269206235855852011-12-18T19:03:00.000-08:002012-03-19T13:37:15.863-07:00My motivation for the next year<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Whether or not you win this thing, you
have to decide how you are going to walk out of here when its all
said and done. Because the game is going to go on and there's only
one rule you're need to know, there are no second chances, there's
only this moment and the next moment. Every one of those moments is a
test that you get to take one time and only one time. So if you see
an opening tear into it, if you get a shot at victory, make damn sure
you take it, seize that moment, that moment is a cross roads where
everything you want will collide with everything that stands in your
way. You've got momentum at your back, fear and doubt are thundering
like a freight train straight at you and all you got, the only thing
between making history and being history, the only thing, the only
thing that you can count on any given moment is you. Its you versus them, its you versus no, its you versus can't, its you versus next
year, last year, statistics, excuses, you versus history, you versus the odds, you versus second place, the clock is ticking, lets see
what you got. </div>Stephenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09070604809625718499noreply@blogger.com0