ISTJ or ENTJ?

For my orientation to the hospital we all took the Myers Briggs Personality Test.  I remember taking it many years ago in high school.  I had the same results and the same problems with the test then as I do now.

True to form, I was categorized as an ISTJ.  Now to some of you that might mean very little, so I'll put a brief synopsis of what it means:

"Quiet, serious, earn success by thoroughness and dependability. Practical, matter-of-fact, realistic, and responsible. Deciding logically what should be done and work toward it steadily, regardless of distractions.  Take pleasure in making everything orderly and organized - their work, their home, their life.  Value traditions and Loyalty."

Some of you who know me would totally agree or mostly agree with what I just put.  Those traits are very correct for those that have known me a long time or who i've allowed entrance or views into my "sanctum sanctorum."  This is my home, this is where I run when I'm scared, when I'm hurt, or when I'm tired of putting up a front.  This is me when I batten down the hatches to ride out a storm of any kind, this is my...well for lack of a better term...Sanctum Sanctorum.  I don't mean to use this term to mean the holy of holies where God resides, but I suppose that could be true as well.  I use it in reference to a place where I feel safe and comfortable.

For those who know me very well or for those who don't know me very well, they realize that as the last description does sum me up really well, they also realize this doesn't fit me completely.  Over the last 20 or so years of my life I took who I am and covered it with what I thought people wanted me to be.  I developed a very secure facade of a self image that I could very easily work in and feel comfortable, at least for a little while.

This second area of my life is summed up in the personality test's label ENTJ.  Now again most of you will not know what this means, so I'll give you a description:

"Frank, decisive, assume leadership readily.  Quickly see illogical and inefficient procedures and policies, develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve organizational problems Enjoy longterm planning and goal setting. usually well informed, well read, enjoy expanding their knowledge and passing it on to others. Forceful in presenting their ideas."

When I presented that according to the personality test I was an ISTJ, most of the class told me I was wrong and had misinterpreted the results and that I was really an ENTJ.  I guess that proves that my facade is complete, I can convince my whole class that I'm not what I seem.  This is not the first group of people I've led astray with my facade.

Question arrises, is that a good thing to be able to say?  I don't know that I have an answer to this.  Its certainly who I am regardless of whether it is good or bad.  It is who society formed me to be, its someone I'm very comfortable being.  The part where this becomes an issue is when I'm tired of my facade and I let my guard drop.  What then?  I let people down, I surprise some people...  There is a very challenging balancing act that I perform every day.  Me knowing that really I'm an introvert and yet acting like I'm an extrovert.  Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my facade, I actually quite enjoy it, I like leadership, being forceful, seeing things quickly, solving problems, expanding my knowledge, some of the time.  I'm not sure, I don't remember in the beginning, if I was uncomfortable with it or if I was ok with the facade, but now I sure am.

There are some very special people who I've let in to see me, the real me, there are others that have seen a slight glimpse of my real self, and others that I've worked very hard to hid the real me from.  I've had my reasons for putting the people I meet into each of the categories, some move from one group to the next.  The longer you know me, the more likely it is for you to find one of those cracks in my facade to see deeper inside who I really am.  Others will illustrate that they have what it takes to know whats in the "keep".  Some will be astonished by it, others humbled by it, and still others will be thankful for it. One thing I will say is that for those who see glimpses of the "keep" and for those that are fortunate enough to roam the halls freely, you'll see even more than I'm human, I sin, and I'm in total need of the savior that I do my utmost best to follow.  I slip and fall, those who make it all the way will attest to that, but I have this amazing God and friends that picks me back up, dusts me off and sets me back on a path that God wants me on.

Food for Thought

If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following.  There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere (both North and South)
8 Africans

52 would be female
48 would be male

70 would be nonwhite
30 would be white

70 would be non-Christian (not the same 70)
30 would be Christian (not the same 30)

89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual

6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth
All 6 would be from the United States

80 would live in substandard housing

70 would be unable to read

50 would suffer from malnutrition

1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth

1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education

1 would own a computer

When one considers the world from such a compressed perspective, the need
for both acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.

The following are provided as additional thoughts to ponder....

If you woke this morning with more health than illness... you are more
blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of
imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation... you are
ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a temple, church, or other religious meeting without fear
of harassment, arrest, torture, or death... you are more blessed than three
billion people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead
and a place to sleep... you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish
someplace... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still alive and married... you are very rare, even in
the United States and Canada.

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly
thankful... you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them, or even touch them on the
shoulder... you are blessed because you can offer healing touch.

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that
someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

Retrieved from http://www.kubik.org/lighter/100.htm

Running and God

I was running a race this morning.  When I'm running my mind drifts.  I put my legs into autopilot and let them do their thing and I do my one.  Usually my mind drifts to God.  There are many places in the New Testament that compare running to the Christian walk.  Over the 15+ years I've been running, I've grown to appreciate these alliterations more and more.  Personally I think those that run marathons understand the statement "the patient endurance of the saints" much more than those who have never run a marathon, but I'm probably biased.  This morning however a new alliteration came to mind.

About 6 months ago I got something for training and racing that I'd always wanted, a Garmin Forerunner GPS watch.  This watch is pretty cool, it does all the things you'd expect from a GPS, but it also lets you set a pace and have a "virtual" training partner.  As you're running it tells you how far ahead/behind in time and in distance you are from your partner.  I've really grown to love and enjoy that feature.  Now back to the alliteration.

It came pretty early in the run, this normally doesn't happen. Just past mile 1 I got the thought, "running is like the Christian life..." This time the reason is, just like in running, the only person you are racing against is yourself and the only thing you're accountable is to your time.  Christianity is no different.  In my walk with God the only person I can compare myself to is me and the only one I'm accountable to in the end is God.

Not that I care...

A few years ago our gymnastics team did a friday night skit.  Each of the members had a part to play, it was a story of lives..the challenges we all go through.  Cindy picked out the parts and assigned them to everyone.  The part I got seemed kind of apropos.  It seems to be the story of my life.  It started out like this:

Not that I care...

I seem to tell myself this a lot, I try to show this face to people.  The easy going, nothing phases me, I can handle this face.  It provides a nice show, most people don't ever take a second look.  I think maybe they just want to see that everyone is happy.  I know I usually do.  I was taught to be confident, even in mistakes...I'm not sure I like that lesson now.  "Not that I care..." really is just a wall that I put up to protect me...from something I perceive might hurt me...who know's if it actually will.

My lines ended with this:

Why can't the ones you love, love you back?

I have come to the conclusion that this part is partially my fault...me not telling/showing them that I love them, but it also has to involve something outside of me.

Who I Am

The story is told of a doctor and his son. The doctor would always come home late at night, he would then lock himself in his study to try and de-stress from the day, locking himself away from his family, the ones who loved him most. His son would do all he could to try and break through the door and interact with his dad. He would stick his fingers under the door and wiggle them at his dad, he would draw pictures and slide them under the door, and he would write notes to his dad and slide them under the door. Sometimes these ploys worked, others not so much. The little boy later wrote a song a out this situation and called it "Underneath the door". This author is one of my favorite artists, Michael Card. 

I've learned over the years that even as an adult, I'm that little boy. To those who mean so much to me, I'll do whatever I can to get you to acknowledge me. I'll draw pictures, i'll write notes, I'll wave my hands in the air, I'll wave... I'll do anything that I can to show I'm here and that you're important to me. I am that little boy, I hope I always will be.

Amazing, psalm 63 from the message!!

Psalm 63:1, 4, 8, 11 MSG

God—you're my God! I can't get enough of you! I've worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts. 
So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in your strength and glory. In your generous love I am really living at last! My lips brim praises like fountains. I bless you every time I take a breath; My arms wave like banners of praise to you. 
I eat my fill of prime rib and gravy; I smack my lips. It's time to shout praises! If I'm sleepless at midnight, I spend the hours in grateful reflection. Because you've always stood up for me, I'm free to run and play. I hold on to you for dear life, and you hold me steady as a post. 
Those who are out to get me are marked for doom, marked for death, bound for hell. They'll die violent deaths; jackals will tear them limb from limb. But the king is glad in God; his true friends spread the joy, While small-minded gossips are gagged for good.

Being a lady

To be called a lady is not a sign of frailty or devotion to frivolous hobbies. A lady is not a female who wears strings of pearls and hosts social gatherings. To be called a lady is the highest of compliments. Even as a woman seeks to compliment a man and calls him a gentleman, remember that "a lady is the female equivalent of a gentleman."

~From The Art and Power of being a Lady