Not that I care...

A few years ago our gymnastics team did a friday night skit.  Each of the members had a part to play, it was a story of lives..the challenges we all go through.  Cindy picked out the parts and assigned them to everyone.  The part I got seemed kind of apropos.  It seems to be the story of my life.  It started out like this:

Not that I care...

I seem to tell myself this a lot, I try to show this face to people.  The easy going, nothing phases me, I can handle this face.  It provides a nice show, most people don't ever take a second look.  I think maybe they just want to see that everyone is happy.  I know I usually do.  I was taught to be confident, even in mistakes...I'm not sure I like that lesson now.  "Not that I care..." really is just a wall that I put up to protect me...from something I perceive might hurt me...who know's if it actually will.

My lines ended with this:

Why can't the ones you love, love you back?

I have come to the conclusion that this part is partially my fault...me not telling/showing them that I love them, but it also has to involve something outside of me.