Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Travel can be fun.......
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Day of travel 1
Saturday, January 9, 2010
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He
must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot
roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one
more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the Battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me. After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead. Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.
He went up to Heaven but will be back and then comes the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
Friday, January 1, 2010
This time last year....
Today marks the first of January as you all know, but it also marks me being in the country only a few more weeks, in fact not even two weeks. My parent's don't like me talking about it, I understand it, I "just" got back, now I'm leaving.....its tough. Our instructor gave us time tables on when we sould have stuff done. I finally have "all" of my stuff together and packed up. I say "all" because I'm sure that I'll find more things that need to go in, but for now its done. I'm getting very excited about this trip, I'm hopeing that I'll find a piece of myself that seems to be missing since I came back from the Marshall Islands, hopefully I'll bring it back with me when I come back from Nicaragua. I just got done looking at the weather, it looks like its going to be about the same temperature as it was in the Marshall Islands, highs in the mid 80's, and something different than the Marshall's, lows in the mid 70's, it is a surprise, but I guess it is 14 degree's north instead of the 7 degrees that the Marshall's were, it will be a refreshment.
On Sunday I will be heading back to Union. We have 6 days to get conversational Spanish and Moskito down. We will be in the classroom for 4-5 hours a day learning the two languages. Then a weekend retreat, come back for one last day, then we fly the coup....figurativly of course. We will be leaving quite early Tuesday morning, not next, but the one after that. I'll update with times and places later, I don't know when we will first have internet when we get in country, but I'll update when I can.